


I'll Just Destroy Everything About Me.

by Shyrianz



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Death, Drug Abuse, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Self destruction, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1338919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyrianz/pseuds/Shyrianz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't save a person that's been broken. Those demons will kill him eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Just Destroy Everything About Me.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a dark place, needed to say something. Had 10 minutes to spare, you figure out the rest.

For years I had struggled with depression, alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse and self harm. Haunted memories of dark times, that night in the ally way. His dark hair and smirk on his face as he ruined my life. The laugh he made as I cried out in agony. The smell of liquor on his breath as I struggled to breath underneath him. The pain hitting me hard as I tried my hardest to forget. It's not that easy though.  
4 years had passed, and I still couldn't get clean. I had tried my hardest to forget, to wipe the memories away. Whether that being beer, cocaine, self harm. Anything to stop his smell lingering on me as I lived everyday. But it stuck to me, wouldn't get it off.  
I had been in a drug rehabilitation center last year, I didn't choose to go. However the hospital made me. My brother had found me with dark wounds around my wrists, a bottle of pills in hand and alcohol. I was sent immediately to the hospital, which they then sent me to rehab to stop me from Alcohol and drug abuse. I got on pretty well, I had stopped completely for over 3 weeks, but the moment I got released I relapsed. I wanted to die, I wanted this torture to stop, but it never ended.

I met Frank 5 months ago. Mikey had brought him over. Frank was understanding of my condition and tried his hardest to clean me up whenever I fell or puked. He came over every weekend with Mikey, and that I was thankful for. He was a slight distraction from _him_. Even though he never went. Frank talked to me about current affairs, he talked about the news, the weather. He talked about anything that could possibly make me forget things. I appreciated that in him.  
I guess we sort of became boyfriends, in a way that he was there for me, and I was sort of there for him. We didn't do any of the cuddling, dating or the sex ( and frankly I don't think I could anymore) but he did care about me.

Then one day my demons grew stronger.  
 ** _He fucking hurt you, he destroyed you._**  
 **_you're destroying yourself even further._**  
 **_Nobody wants to help you._**  
 **_you're a worthless, pathetic, meaningless human being._**  
 **_Never even think about other people._**  
 **_you don't deserve to live_**  
 **_You're scum._**  
 **_Die._**  
They were overpowering. I grasped my head, trying subdue the demons within my skull. The memory of the rape replaying in my head. The torture of the pain engraved into me, replaying.  
I acted in a spur of the moment, running a short bath and sighing before I placed my head under the water. I held it there, breathing in the water. I had my head to the side so I could see the world around me but could not breathe. I smiled as I realised that I was going to be set free from this nightmare I was living in.  
I knew I was almost dead, as soon as Frank walked in. I could tell he was screaming, but I couldn't hear him. I nodded slightly at him as I finally passed out, being released from a evil game.  
I was finally free.


End file.
